Buff boys and the leggless
by ImmortalLouis
Summary: Why has Rinoa resorted to alchahol abuse?, where did all that hair come from?, and most importantly, why do they all wear y-fronts? By reading this tale of treachery, love and hirsute men, you let yourself in for a rollercoaster ride.


A Saga of Immense Proportions  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Rinoa limped into the room, hot pants around ankles, bottle in hand. She'd pulled an all-nighter at the training center and was in the mood for a party, far too much vodka. She struggled, taking stifled steps towards me.  
  
Muttering obscenities and various inaudible comments, until she inevitably collapsed at my feet. As she clawed at my y-fronted underwear, she commented on the impressive bristly quality of my manly legs.  
  
*****  
  
Rinoa was shaken roughly from her position at squalls waist. She collapsed on the floor, confessing her undiluted passion for the other.  
  
Squall snorted, bent down to her limp form and clutched the alcoholic beverage. He proceeded to the bin, dropped the bottle, and stood in mock alarm as the vessel smashed in the bin, moistening the contents. He walked in a confident and sure manner, away from Rinoa and in the general direction of the cafeteria.  
  
Receiving amorous looks from garden faculties, Squall puffed out his chest and continued. He walked up to Zell, who was wielding a large hotdog, and requested that Selphie bring Rinoa a cup of something hot. The name escaped him.  
  
'Coffee?' volunteered Selphie. Squall nodded and parted his lips as if to speak.  
  
'...........' Was the predictable outpour.  
  
'Hey man, when'd you get so hairy?!' asked Zell, he was in a perpetually shocked mood.  
  
As is usual.  
  
Squall released a suitable ration of lexis. Allowing minimal facial movement and replying; 'you noticed' the flat tone of his voice made Zell quiver.  
  
Squall realized that he was in the cafeteria now, with only a pair of y- fronted briefs, and copious muscle covering him. He puffed his chest again, so as to accentuate his pectorals and hirsute torso.  
  
Zell quivered again, and punched the air. Revealing his also muscular, but hairless, arms. Mustard from his trusty hotdog splashed all the way down his chest and onto his face.  
  
And at the same moment Selphie appeared, jumping and flailing her limbs, even with the incredible burden of Rinoa. Skillfully she bounded towards them coffee in one hand, and Rinoa draped over her shoulder.  
  
'Teehee' spurted Selphie 'not a drop spilt. She won't drink it though'. Squall raised his eyebrows slightly, and looked at Zell. 'Why are you guys in the buff anyway?'  
  
'Washday today, don't tell me you missed it again Selphie' exclaimed Zell.  
  
Selphie passed her burden to Squall, and passed the cup of coffee to the burden.  
  
'Washday? Oh crap, I've missed it again.' Selphie let out a squeal directed at Squall, and stomped, and flailed. She looked down at her grubby garb. What was once yellow became brown.  
  
Meanwhile, behind Squall's back, Rinoa was having mischievous thoughts. In her drunken stupor, she thought it would be fun to heat things up. She drew back Squalls waistband and in an almost impossible over the shoulder position, she poured the entire cup of moderately hot coffee, into the back of Squall's y-fronted briefs. She giggled playfully and spoke to herself. 'Good one Rinoa' she said.  
  
Squall reacted by pursing hip lips; he then relaxed into the warmth of this new sensation, and placed Rinoa, (still giggling) at the nearest table. After approximately three minutes the heat had worn off and Squall's pants now looked like a dirty nappy.  
  
Zell looked around and approached Squall. 'I think we should go take a bath' he said 'together', was the inaudible addition.  
  
*****  
  
Zell and squall, upon looking, discovered that no showers actually existed as a part of Balamb Garden. Zell punched the air, Squall simply prodded at his clammy buttock and crotch area.  
  
'What do we do now?' exuded Zell. Squall sat on the floor of the corridor, still prodding, and shielding his naked chest with his free hand. The cloaked onlookers, a group of garden faculties were tipping their hats and becoming unruly. In a Flash of inspiration, Zell leapt into the air and began to speak.  
  
'Hey man' he said 'why do you think they have those pools?'  
  
Squall lifted his head and looked up at Zell's impressive form. 'In the middle of the garden?' he asked, barely suppressing a smile.  
  
Squall got up and moved to Zell, he tapped him lightly on his well-built chest and moved to run. Zell smiled and also assumed a starting position.  
  
They bolted, down the corridor of the dorms, into the main circle of Balamb. Zell ran, in the lead down the spoke and jumped, ripping away his underwear before forming a perfect 'bomb'. He landed with a big splash in the water feature. Squall was following, also ripping and landed next to Zell. His y-fronted addition landed in front of the pair.  
  
Coffee began to bleed into the water, creating a brown cloud that soon dispersed. Zell's cast-offs landed on squalls head.  
  
Squall adjusted the new garment and gave a dozy smile.  
  
*****  
  
It was at this point that Quistis rounded the corner; she was leaning towards Xu and chatting, and laughing. Xu was also laughing, uncontrollably infact, and as she saw the pair, squatting in the water feature, splashing, she dropped the books that she held. Quistis was quite the gentleman, bending over to pick up the books.  
  
Xu ventured closer to Squall and Zell's frolics, and interrupted with polite, dull conversation.  
  
'Hello' she said 'how are you?'  
  
Zell looked over at the young girl and gave her a sly wink. He then looked at Squall, and gave him a sly wink. Finally Quistis collected her senses and approached.  
  
Zell Winked once more for good measure. Squall punched the air, stood up and began to dance in a fashion that resembled a chocobo. Both Quistis and Xu gasped at Squall's striking body. 'M-m-m-m-my Squall!' Quistis stuttered and muddled her speech. 'What development....' She eventually let out the words, and managed to continue.  
  
'The hair, where did it come from Squall? It is manly, but not overbearingly so.'  
  
Squall immediately squatted back into the water. The small splash was enough to refresh Xu after a hard day.  
  
Zell climbed out of the water and shook himself off by jumping up and down. The water slid from his sculpted form, down his chest, down further still. Squall followed, he span-around and rid himself of the hat. They strolled with Xu and Quistis, who didn't press squall for an answer.  
  
Back in the cafeteria, Rinoa had calmed down. Selphie had forced the necessary antidote upon Rinoa, and although drowsy, Rinoa was now of a mind, at least able to commit to a conversation.  
  
Selphie was holding two fingers in front of Rinoa's eyes, prompting the drunkard to answer a question, regarding the shape of the fingers.  
  
'What do you think?' she asked. 'They seem to be short and fat, but I would say that my fingers are usually bony and thin.  
  
Rinoa was no longer in a stupor, but more indignant that Selphie was asking such stupid questions. She stated so. Selphie looked confused for just a second before her face returned to a smile.  
  
'Teehee' she laughed. 'Teehee' she laughed some more.  
  
***** 


End file.
